Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
