You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
