Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
