Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
zippers are such a cool invention
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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