the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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