I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
