batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
