On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
