You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
