I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
