I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
