Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.ā€¯ \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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