butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
