if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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