You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
