Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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