I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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