you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
