Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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