bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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