P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
