I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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