i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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