we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
