I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
