He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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