i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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