im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
