I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
