I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
