no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
