I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if only i could text you this smell
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
