Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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