Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
third nipple confirmed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
