Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
