I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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