i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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