4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
