You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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