My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
