I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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