They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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