I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
