I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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