you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
