i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
