my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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