My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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