the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
