Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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