Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
