he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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