Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
