i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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