It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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