When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
