my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
