If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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