Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
