I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
