I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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