dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
