She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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