no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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