I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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