YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
